The law of life: Why alcohol turns babes into bitches and
dudes into dicks...
Recently I underwent a transformation in life, I turned
eighteen and was declared by the British laws to be legally responsible which
includes the privilege of buying alcohol and other such beverages.
Now I’m not going to pretend to you that I haven’t drunken alcohol before this point (you’re neither naive or stupid enough to believe that up until not long ago I was an innocent flower...)
Now I’m not going to pretend to you that I haven’t drunken alcohol before this point (you’re neither naive or stupid enough to believe that up until not long ago I was an innocent flower...)
Therefore I was no virgin to the influence and
persuasion that this powerful liquid could have upon a person such as
myself however this new found freedom has been used more extensively simply
because life is (although more boring and less rebellious) easier now I no
longer have to beg for ID or use my spy skills to surpass sneaky bouncers. (In
due time I may even reveal some of my experiences concerning rejection and
humiliation revolving around these areas.)
For those of you who don’t see the appeal of alcohol let me explain to you the
reasons why I personally drink the fine wine of success...
1. It loosens me up and thus I become as my friend would say ‘a concentrated ball of chatter and randomness’ (yes she truly did say this) I like to think of myself as a relatively confident person however alcohol emphasizes this which comes in use when approaching insanely good looking guys...NB: however it does not result in any improved conversation or reduced awkward moments in fact it often amplifies them...
2. It is often seen as a social factor and I fully understand this as often when ‘going out’ (although the meaning of this expression I’ve never fully understood) you will find many people drinking and lets all admit that we do not like to feel isolated or alone. So by joining in with others you can be seen to be making an effort to find common ground (side note do NOT abuse me for saying this those of you out there who don’t drink, none of this is meant to offend and is simply my opinion)
3. They can taste nice, I like a bit of southern comfort with lemonade myself or I quite enjoy some pear cider if it is ‘up for grabs’ however tip: do not be fooled by beautiful fancy colours of awe inspiring names as these can be concockted through random mixing which results in horrendous, vile tasting drink.
And because YOLO...no I’m just kidding I despise using dodgy twitter expressions but it seems necessary.
However be WARNED if you know that you cannot handle your drink then do not try and match those who can as you will either end up in accident and emergency or in their bed...neither is something you want in the long term.
1. It loosens me up and thus I become as my friend would say ‘a concentrated ball of chatter and randomness’ (yes she truly did say this) I like to think of myself as a relatively confident person however alcohol emphasizes this which comes in use when approaching insanely good looking guys...NB: however it does not result in any improved conversation or reduced awkward moments in fact it often amplifies them...
2. It is often seen as a social factor and I fully understand this as often when ‘going out’ (although the meaning of this expression I’ve never fully understood) you will find many people drinking and lets all admit that we do not like to feel isolated or alone. So by joining in with others you can be seen to be making an effort to find common ground (side note do NOT abuse me for saying this those of you out there who don’t drink, none of this is meant to offend and is simply my opinion)
3. They can taste nice, I like a bit of southern comfort with lemonade myself or I quite enjoy some pear cider if it is ‘up for grabs’ however tip: do not be fooled by beautiful fancy colours of awe inspiring names as these can be concockted through random mixing which results in horrendous, vile tasting drink.
And because YOLO...no I’m just kidding I despise using dodgy twitter expressions but it seems necessary.
However be WARNED if you know that you cannot handle your drink then do not try and match those who can as you will either end up in accident and emergency or in their bed...neither is something you want in the long term.
Do not go into the ‘I am totally awesome and am capable of flying’ mode as it will lead to you embarrassing yourself in some skill that you believe at the time you possess which in reality you don’t and never will be able to do successfully.
Beware of beer goggles! This is not restricted just to those
who you don’t feel attractive (or physically repel you due to their lack of
personal hygiene etc) but also includes those with NPD (no personality
disorder, a very serious illness that is quite common and although cannot be
passed along by physical contact can have serious effects upon awkward morning
conversations as well as weird obsessions that may attach your compardre to
yourself.)
And that’s my short but sweet story on the drink of life, you either love it or you hate it...or you like it or you dislike it...or you don’t mind it.
Feel free to leave comments below and suggestions for my next blog post,
hopefully more soon!
Adios amigas/amigos
Over & Out
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